I made a deal with myself when I finally discovered I had MS...
I promised myself that I wouldn’t constantly talk about it!
I think that in my eternal belief I can handle anything (life can do that to you).I thought that this diagnosis was just another ‘boulder’ on my life’s path, and that like everything else that’s happened in my long and eventful past - I would get over it!
Well - silly old me!
Nearly ten months in and every day is another discovery - and a great deal of bad language!
My current thinking is that the best way to handle anything that’s annoying is to try to find the plus sides (hard I know) of the situation and to throw myself into enjoying all of these.
On a trip to the doctor to moan about how I feel - and how my life could be affected - he he told me to see each day’s energy as being like a battery; when it’s run out then you simply have to re-charge. There are no more resources until the next day. He recommended that I forget - or certainly limit - the amount of grot I do each day and make sure I do more nice stuff which will have a very positive effect on my mood.
Nearly ten months in and every day is another discovery - and a great deal of bad language!
I found this advice appealing, but knew it would be hard for me to break the habits of a lifetime and just indulge myself. It’s just not what an Englishwoman of my age does… duty first and all that!
However the next day I delayed the boring admin and took myself off for a massage. Lying there I thought of all the - not terribly glamorous or expensive - things I’d like to do. More just the everyday nice things that I never got around to. Taking more care of myself for one! We women tend to put ourselves on the back burner so to speak, which is silly. It can make us feel unloved, unattractive and uncared for - which of course we are - by ourselves!
To have my weekly Reiki treatment which I KNOW helps me hugely. Having a glass of wine with a friend rather than a sensible cup of tea in front of the fire. Comfortable though this is - it really doesn’t make me laugh and get life’s challenges into perspective.
On reflection, I’m ashamed to admit that I had turned myself a bit of a martyr. Nobody had wanted me to, or expected me to - it was all about me! Being wonderful, selfless and dutiful - and I’m sure pretty dull with it all.
I made the decision while lying there that whatever my long term abilities are, I’m not going to worry about them. I’m going to be more joyful and less sensible; not only would this improve my life, but very likely make me much nicer to be around.
So now i’m making a conscious effort to ignore my reduced energy, and weirdly even this is improving!
I found myself a new wonder cream (Prai Beauty ageless throat and decolletage cream) for my neck - and am really enjoying the ritual I’ve established. This is a routine that I would never have allowed myself previously, always considering myself too busy.
Now each morning and evening I sit and go through the regime of serum, massage and then cream (with this nice little massage wand with a gentle electronic current) and I’m beginning to realise just how good this feels, and how stupid I’ve been making so little effort it the past few years. Seeing an improvement in something that’s been upsetting me (lines) that I regarded as inevitable - has been so uplifting.
As a ridiculously ‘over the top example’ I think of it as a bit like having to put an oxygen mask on yourself first on the aircraft before looking after anyone else - when we take care of us, both physically mentally and emotionally - everyone benefits.
Anyway: now I’m on a roll with this and I really don’t know where it’s going to end. It feels like being on a mission to change the world - well my world anyway. From being about to accept the inevitable, I feel so much stronger. I don’t want to be labelled as ‘a sufferer’ I want to think of myself as an achiever - and my only regret is that it took an MS diagnosis and a doctor to make me see that.